Sunday, November 16, 2008

It's complicated

Sometimes I feel so empty... so empty that there is nothing actually that can fill my emptiness. Not alcohol, not a cigarette, not crying. Nothing. 

What the hell am I missing on Earth? I hate my job, my private life at present sincerely SUCKS, but that's all my fault. The problem is, I don't know how to go on this way, I am trying to change some things...

I feel so ugly and uninteresting, which is a pity for those who love me. I simply hate all of me, I hate myself when I do something wrong in my job (which, actually happens very rarely, but when it does, I see the total disaster I am: and can't get up again, not soon).

My therapist says I should take a trip, go away, completely away from everything I am living now. Life, job, friendships, relationship. I need to take some time for myself to understand what's really important for me and visualize the "general scheme".

Will I ever?